Pterodactyl Text Message, Early April

Ok so I didn't want watch cause Iwas at workbabdb I'm nkt gonna wwtch now but am responding WATCHU KNOW

Texts Received in the Past 48 Hours

I have informed my parents of our Georgia trip. My father said, "ну дегенераты..."* then he called me a "долбоёб"**. I strongly suspect he is just jealous it will not be him wearing red glasses, blasting Timati and burning bibles at a cemetary.

* "you degenerates..." 

** "goddamn retard"

***

Oh dude. Want to buy some mannequins? I know a girl in New Jersey who is selling like an entire warehouse. We can just dump them at Fu. I also have some paskha if you are hungry.

***

Okay so I just looked this up - there are at least four states in which it is illegal to impersonate a member of the clergy. One of them is NY. Thankfully charges may only be pressed if we make money by doing so.

I know what you are getting at. I wonder how much we can make.

So two priests walk into a bar in an airport. Priest 1 orders a glass of ginger ale over ice, gets served, drinks three quarters and then suddenly yells, "Oh Jesus fucking Christ, give me that goddamn bottle of Stoli."

We can read our bibles loudly over ginger ales and then turn into complete retards and start slamming shits and bibles uncontrollably while chanting some Satanic verses. We just need to time this accordingly so we don't get arrested for being lunatics.

***

It will be just like when we barged into a bar 30 minutes before close and I ordered 5 drinks then turned to Steve and said, "...and what do you want."

Ah, the horror on the face of the barmaid! I had to reassure her that we will slam our respective drinks in time for the close.

Sparring

"I tried to spar MM but he just punched me in the face twice and now my arm hurts." - Tull

-

Cleaning my desk drawers today, I've found:

• Set of large pliers from Fu
• Industrial lock from Dallas
• 15 dollars in quarters
• Macanudo cigar
• Two e-cigarettes
• Happy hour business card collection from people I do not recall
• Sriracha hot sauce
• Rebel matches
• Blade of a knife (no handle)

Flight 139

In response to the Braathens SAFE Flight 139 Hijacking...

I think this might be an interesting challenge. Smuggle a few pitchers, threaten people with crowbars and demand to speak to Timati.

Heard at the Bar #5

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