Silent Generation Humor

Old man at the bar: "Know the funniest thing I've heard all year? Black lives matter! HAHAHAHA."

Hipster Hugs and Kisses

XO - Chi Omega - is a women's fraternity, much how Bruce Jenner is a female man. It doesn't have to make sense.

Dogface to me: Are you here with anyone?
Dogface's boyfriend: No, he's the first man in your sorority.
Me: I told them I felt like a woman that day.
Dogface to boyfriend: Go get me another drink.

Grandma: I'm thirty-eight and I'm a Vice President, I know a thing or two you don't.
Me: I'm a Vice President too.
Grandma: I'm ten years older than you.
Me: No you're not.
Grandma: Why thank you.
Me: That's not what I meant.

Me: Gin, tonic and grapefruit, pint size.
Barmaid: That sounds a lot like a greyhound.
Me: Yes but I call it a shit.

Dungeon Quotes

"I'm going to get beer with F who wore red lipstick to impress the new CEO but instead succeeded in having an overweight aging Hasid tell her he likes Asian girls before asking if she wants to go eat French food." - R

"Used to have a shotgun under my desk, now all I have is this cockroach." - V

"Look, another fake million dollar transaction. Guess we're all going to jail." - M

A: You Hasidic Jews are all racist.
E: We're not racist, we're just scared of black people.
A: Why are you scared of black people?
E: Well you know how some people are scared of dogs...

Happy Hour Rap

Ain't never comin back mothafuckas,

Stayin in this bar for life.

Don't give me any sense of enjoyment,

'Least won't have to deal with life.

Corporate party,

Oilers game,

Barbacks and the owner know my name.

Feelin like a cigarette, don't wanna brave the cold,

Ordering round three of the same.

Coors light,

Jamo,

Buybacks every second drink,

Dude in a sweater vest slobberin' like retard,

Fucker's BO really stinks.