South Wisdom 1

Waffle House is not a place you go, it's a place you end up.

Midnight Rummy

Russian: Midnight rummy is not a game for the weak

Waitress: I kind of want that on my headstone

Breaking News

Area man accuses wife of racism for using term "spirit animal".

Girls Pterodactyl Meets Online: Art Teacher

Pterodactyl: Anyway do you think she's had work done?

Russian: Yeah and judging by her taste in skirts, daddy paid for it.

Pterodactyl: She's a high school art teacher, so I agree wholeheartedly. Anyway she matched with me and I'll see where I can take it. Maybe it sounds lame as fuck but I'm learning tangible things so far that produce replies. I always at least get a response now vs. being ignored. Most convos still fizzle out but there's more to keep learning.

Russian: It was great to pretend to be an artist while getting her BA in Communication at a fratty university, but then reality kicked in and she looked to a job that required no discernible skill: art teacher. Some pedagogy classes later she's working on her Mrs degree praying to The Lord she finds a man who will love her unconditionally despite her well known history with sweaty guidos and anal in the alleyway.

Kosher Biographer

Meaning of Life

Russian: Do you ever think life might be about more than going to work, getting shitfaced, and passing out, punctuated by sports, pool, and fucking?

HFA: I sometimes do. Then I realize how incorrect I am.

Russian: It’s kind of unfortunate that most of us just spin the hamster wheel until we croak. Look at dudes like Elon Musk - he’s got aspirations, that fucker is going to Mars.

HFA: Personally I wouldn't want to go to Mars. Last time I checked it had no goddamn atmosphere. 

Russian: Let’s say you have kids - when you die, wouldn’t you like someone to point to a history book or a pivotal invention and proudly say, “I’m related to that dude.”

HFA: Well, I am an HFA. If I ever choose to have some brats they will clearly know who I am. The bartender will tell them.

Dinner Plans

Waitress: Hey everyone! I'm thinking about arranging a congratulatory dinner for Adam once this new job is a for sure done deal. Are there any certain days of the week that work better for anyone?

South: I will have to check my schedule. Lots of masturbating and pizza consumption meetings taking place. Luckily, my Malaysian houseboys, the ones that survive this week, will be handling the orders for new Malaysian houseboys to be delivered next month. Glad that tedious shit is out of my hands so they can be used for more important tasks. Other than that, free any day except next Thursday. I have a meeting at SMU, and after I will be blowing people in the alley for $5.

Waitress Art: Cat Mutilation

Catcall

"His friends back home call him all the time." - Guinn

Professor

Guy: nice shooting, professor!

Z: well let's talk about your wife. She's much older than you are right

G: excuse me?

Z: well she looks old!

G: you look like you are 70 professor

Z: yes, maybe, but your wife looks older than me. 

Guy was 36 and his wife was perhaps a year or two older than him. 

HFA at Work

When the shitload of Indian people start congregating behind my back yelling at the computer screen about dates and how their SQL only runs under certain conditions I start yelling obscenities at my computer and beating the shit out of my keyboard (which so far has survived for 6 years and change). Sadly I can no longer yell "cunt" because I have a woman two seats to the left and one row in front. And she is blonde.

When she giggles I want to slam the bottle of tequila I have in my drawer over her head.