New Employee

Manager speaking to new employee about his first project: ...Okay, this is easy once you figure out how to do it.

New employee begins laughing, looks my way past his manager: Ёбаный в рот...куда я попал?

PD Small Talk

"I don't want to be in the circus." - Caesar, whining

"If I don't get no drugs and no pussy, I'm going home to eat." - Will, sober

Election Day

"Julia commanded her cats to pray for Trump. The sphinx and the squirrel complied, but the fat one's a Hillary supporter." -MC