Customer Service - by HFA

Aoife just doesn't give a shit. To a customer: "did you take a fucking bath in your cologne this morning? You smell disgusting"

And then I commented on her excellent customer service skills and she responded with "I don't fucking care".

Private Sector

Man in suit on phone: "I made a lot of money last year, I don't live in Bronxville anymore, yeah, I'm in the private sector now - I'm living in Mount Vernon!...at least I can still say I live in Westchester...except now I hear the gunfire every night...yeah, it's nice."

Crustacean Obsessives of MS

Overheard at MS: "So it's graduation next Saturday and I'm thinking of giving him a pink tie with cocktail shrimp imprinted on it. Do you think he already has one?"

Egypt at Work

"Guys, I just, like, found out that Egypt was a real place. Our waiter was Egyptian and he was like, 'yeah, I'm from Egypt.' I didn't know it was a real place, I thought it was just, like, pyramids and shit."  

Falling Down - by HFA

Richard just walked in filled the patrons in.
Richard: “yeah some guy fell down the stairs yesterday”
Raul (and I shit you not): “is he still there?!”

Richard Wisdom

Valentine's Day tips from Richard:

"yes do it take a hop baby I love you four o'clock do it I was married ten year so four five o'clock just so it j so happy"


Richard on life:

"why you tell me no shots tomorrow my day off I take shots go to trash drink everything take train home sleep"

Bruce's Tale

Ring Dings have always been bigger than Ding Dongs. Yeah, they have, so...the other day I saw that Ring Rings came back, and I saw some at the store, they were on the shelf, and I was so excited I got some, and they weren't the same. They weren't really good. I used to love Ring Dings, I used to have two for breakfast. Well, not anymore.

Raul Pool

Mads: “Let’s have...collective suicide!”
Raul to Leigh: “Write that down in your fucking notebook.”

—

Leigh: What if I died by Professional Fur?

Facebook Help

Carl: “If my daughter told me she was a man I’d take my first selfie and get on Facebook. You don’t need to pay money for that shit do you? Good. I’d take a selfie of me blowing my brains out and leave it on her Facebook.”

HFA2: “...but you’d be dead.”

Carl: “Listen, I love my kid, and love finds a way. You could do it for me. You know how to use Facebook?”

HFA2: “Yeah, sure thing Carl, let me know.”