Priorities

Some people get married. Me? I just ride a miniature scooter that I got from and old lady with a broken foot around the pool table. Priorities.

-HFA

Nursing Comedy

I was talking to the guy outside and we came to a conclusion that you and I should go to a comedy show at a nursing home and throw a pint glass at the performer. Challenge accepted.

-HFA

Criminal Defense

"You should see 'Elle' in the theater because when they bring it to DVD they're going to cut out the two good rape scenes. See it." - Hugh

Tombstone & Job

"Tina just called me 'a perfect alcoholic'. That's what I want written on my tombstone."

"Armando upon seeing me enter PD: 'Yo I have no idea how you are able to hold a job.' Best compliment ever."