Things I Would Take With Me If I Quit Work

This is an exhaustive inventory of the things that I would take with me if I were to "clear out my desk". All of these items currently reside either on my desk or in my file cabinet.

Tiki god
Creepy clown
Red sunglasses
Plastic BA airplane
Nail clipper
Nat Shermans cigar
Vitamins
Electric razor
Nail clipper
Hair wax
Cologne
Books (2)
Old black leather bag
Blue carabiner
Industrial combo lock
Pliers
Oversized umbrella
Mechanical keyboard
Sriracha
Kettle of Fish matches
"Reserved" sign

Thankfully all of the above (save for the plastic airplane and oversized umbrella) would fit in the old black bag. The airplane was a gift from a flamboyant coworker, and the umbrella - $4.97 at Home Depot. Easy come, easy go.

Victoria's Story

А вчера бар тендер забыла налить триплсек в Маргариту. Я ей говорю добавь триплсек. Она такая че? Я ей говорю опять добавь триплсек. Она такая - трайплсек? Я такая - да пизды нахуй добавь в Маргариту блять.

One Day of Texts

Next time a cabbie asks me how to get to Manhattan we are going to have one less cabbie in this city

I was buying vitamins just now and the cashier (old Indian guy) goes - you exercise much? You are in a very good shape. I wanted to tell him that a drink close to a liter of vodka a day but changed my mind

I might have to wear my pink socks

I hung up and texted her a "As a мужык I made an executive decision to to exercise my мужык right and hang up on you."

Someone just decided to mark spreads at 800k across the swap curve. So basically our PnL is -700 trillion. I think we have destroyed the global economy.