The DLaw Way

The DLaw way is very serious. The DLaw way is not to be trifled with. And if anybody's getting made fun of for the DLaw way, it's you - for not being the DLaw way.

Become a trader, make some money, rent a townhouse, join a band... and you'll have only seen the tip of the DLaw iceberg.

Now get ready to party. Blaze. Do a line. Send everyone you know the same text message. Ignore all responses but one involving a proximal destination. Blaze. Change your Hermes shirt, Ferragamo pants, and Gucci loafers for serious stoner threads. Beanie: check. Hipster scarf: check. Torn jeans: check. Six year old sneakers: of course! Check! Do a line. Blaze.

Arrive after 1am. Beast a G&T. Subtly deride everyone... for not being the DLaw way. Do shots, but with a crowd that is clearly inebriated. Hit the bathroom. Do a line. Beast a G&T. Alternate grinding and forcibly making out with a female.

Invite everybody to your place! Blaze. Pound a beer. Do a line. Attempt to sleep with female. Experience squishy noodle syndrome. Pull on red Flinstones PJs. Sleep to DLaw another day.

Losing Track

Finding comfort in losing track of time is an ability that both atrophies and grows more precious with age. I lose track in coffee shops, sitting by the window observing the world outside. If the company is right, the conversation light, the music subdued, and the coffee smooth, nirvana can creep up on you, unnoticed.

I'd also like to add that two grown-ass black people are throwing snowballs at my train from across the tracks. What the hell, guys.

Bankers On Top

The following story has been pre-approved by Pteradactyl:

DUDE. I talked to these dudes in the investment bank today. I spouted so much bullshit, I feel like I need to go take a shower.

They're starting a new team for intrabank efficiency, so I think they want me to handle one arm of the operation. Anyway, I said fine, I'll talk to them. DUDE. These guys are ballin like Kobe. Top floor of the building, decked out - mahogany, leather, telepresence screens wider than I am tall, computers that look like they're meant for extreme gaming.

So I'm like, "Why the huge ticker? You have traders here too?" And the dude said something about how it gives them a more credible appearance before the clients, like, and I quote, "We're ON TOP of this."

I think the offer sounds more impressive than it really is though - they usually do when someone's trying to lure you into their honeypot. Like when you've had 17 cans of PBR and that really attractive girl who wasn't attractive before is telling you about the yoga she does.

Corporate Communication #1

Tull: Yeah dude, Dreads and I shut the bar down at 4, went to the subway, then we both said, "We need another goddamn beer." So we went back, broke the door down, and chugged 3 kegs of Brooklyn Lager, and when they were out of Brooklyn - I went straight to work.

Just Like Zoran

"If he doesn't change, he's going to end up just like Zoran," the German complained. It's freezing cold, and I'd been standing outside the bar, nodding and grunting, for three and a half cigarettes. Listening to the waitress air out her boy problems had only seemed like a good idea.

I thought for a second as she continued to ramble. Poor Zoran. He was probably shitfaced in a crummy old apartment, working some tin foil into a shiny new hat as his eyes wandered mechanically over a scratched up blackboard. Meanwhile, her boy Tull was five steps away polishing up his thirteenth pint, swaying, playing with a pocket knife. I walked in and took it away.

Heard at the Bar #1

"You're not a pedophile until you get caught." - Tull

Beer Munchies

Eating a burger, inhaling fries, and siphoning Coke is no easy feat when the old man across the aisle is staring. Self-consciousness kicks in, but how can I be expected to put down my half-finished meal and wait for it to cool, grease congealing, starch hardening. Plus, I'm hungry, very hungry. Maybe they don't allow eating on trains? I think it'll be alright, look, that idiot in the other car is scarfing down a kebab and nobody's saying shit. I'll be alright, I'll be alright.

The night isn't a complete loss - I met three lesbians, two Indians, a friend, and a cougar. It feels like an accomplishment.