HFA's Monkey Encounter

So I bumped into a sweaty monkey man in a bandana last night. He proceed to read out loud a chapter from his "blog" - a tiny notebook with a bunch of terrible handwriting in it. The chapter was about monkey man waking up and hanging out at snoop dogs place. The monkey plan is to go viral and sell each chapter for $1.50 to every single citizen of the U.S. He estimated the population to be at 2 million. 

Unannounced Absence

After being late to work twice in the past 2 months, the head of our regional office sent me a lovely communication in 15 point Calibri type. I haven't heard back since my response.

From: MarvinDate: Tuesday, July 28, 2015 at 9:16 AMTo: Salty DogCc: DanielSubject: Going forward 

Salty Dog- Given the situation yesterday has occurred twice within a short period of time, we need to identify how to prevent this in the future but also the consequences if it happens again. I am not interested in the how/why this occurred, but only on a solution. You are a very talented individual with a great future ahead of you. As a manager of people and a leader on the client team, however, your negative actions have an impact on others. Let Daniel and me know how you propose to fix the problem and the three of us will get together afterwards. Marvin
.......................................................
From: Salty DogDate: Tuesday, July 28, 2015 at 10:15 AMTo: MarvinCc: DanielSubject: Re: Going forward 

Marvin- 

Thank you for your email. It tends to be more difficult to find solutions to problems or prevent specific events without taking interest in their underlying causes, but let’s give it a shot. Since the problem is unannounced absence, I will ensure that all future absences are announced. I hope this helps. 

If this solution suits you, I suggest that you and Daniel appraise the negative impact of an unannounced absence and work out appropriate consequences, which we can discuss at your convenience. If you believe there is a more effective preventative measure, I would be happy to discuss this as well. 

Please let me know when you would like the three of us to get together and I will get this meeting on our calendars ASAP. 

Salty Dog

Intern Cover Letter

"...despite being aware of the compensation, I am excited about the position."

Lync Diaries: Cray

Salty Dog: (3:45 PM)
so - fun news
Salty Dog: (3:46 PM)
2,670 double-coded news articles since the beginning of the year
Fatima: (4:07 PM)
wow!!!
Fatima: (4:07 PM)
that’s crazy cray!!
Fatima: (4:07 PM)
how we gow deal wifff that?!?!?!
Salty Dog: (4:16 PM)
i just died a little inside

Lync Diaries: The Comeback

Daniel: (4:06 PM)
ian though this "¯\_(ツ)_/¯” was “a comeback written in Japanese"

Comcast = ISIS

A resident of Nashville quoted in an article: 

“They're just not to be trusted, Comcast," he says. "The fact that they of course could’ve been doing better all along but had no incentive to. I’m just opposed to them completely, kind of like someone would be to ISIS. No one speaks well of ISIS.”

HFA at Old Crow

"As Billy would say, 'Game over,' and then he would yell, 'Sausage!'"

Raulito

Courtesy of Tull:

In other news raulito would like to know if I'm at dolls.

And seriously how can I be around a person that refuses to read books? Like "catcher in the fucking rye" or "I was a great fucking gatsby"? How is it even possible for someone who grew up here to not enjoy something that makes children go all "wilderness" on their parents? God damn it.