The Job, as Described by Pterodactyl

Go to the secretary

"TELL JOHN I NEED A MEETING WITH HIM ASAP TO MAKE HIS BONERS LAST LONGER"

That’ll get you buy-in

He’ll get that summary

"Russ wants to fix your boners"

HOLY SHIT MARY I'M IN

Then you go

"Now John, what I need from you is a firm promise to take these pills at every meal"

"THANKS FOR BEING SO ON TOP OF THINGS RUSS"

Then the other MDs start fighting

"I want my boners to be fixed first!"

So you say

"Well guys I got a meeting at 10 but by this time next week I should have enough pills to pass around for all your boners. Now Alice, what I need from you is a list of the blood types of all the men here. I also need you to send me that list then not bother coming next week since you can't get a boner."

To which she replies "Thanks Russ! I'm helping my company and you're even limiting my work to what's required so I can focus the rest of my energy on other matters."

Man

I really learned a lot from you

I know how to set up my next big meeting

I like to think of it as an ironically accurate analogy between what you described me and what's really going on

In an obvious effort to point out how stupid all this bullshit is

FIX MY BONER FIRST RUSS

Then word spreads

Russ is the boner fixer!

Then all those 200 bankers you know come hounding for a boner fix

You go up to your manager at your midyear

"I fixed 300 boners in record time"

"HOLY FUCK RUSS THAT'S ASSOCIATE MATERIAL GIVE THIS MAN A MIDYEAR BONUS"

Then they extend the budget to fund your growing boner demand

You start allocating funds for different types of boners and draw up plans to create the most elaborate boners ever

Send off emails

Ok Mark, you're making the financial advisory boner. It will run on the iPad and simulate a boner that predicts stock prices.

Steve, you're making the production readiness boner. It will serve to collect all information about new boners going into production and will force developers to properly test their boners and provide the right boner signoff before deploying.

Before you know it, you're the central contact for boners

They set up a new email distribution list

IB Boners Russ Directs

For all your direct subordinates

All the while the MD you had the original meeting with is still using his boner and can't get enough of it

He had to hire 2 secretaries to handle the boner demand

It’s just chaos

Your boners are eventually deployed firm wide to all iPads and even employees in Japan see your boner on their screen

It’s quite a solid idea

Not to mention all the savings

These boners saved the company 15% annually

Now they can invest those savings in boner development

To further increase savings

Yeah dude

That’s the nature of the boner

It’s quite innovative

And look at all the money you saved

The company got to lay off 3 teams and just add 2 employees to the boner team

Since your boner encompassed theirs and rendered it obsolete