If anybody asks, we went to Virginia with a guitar and two steak knives, and everybody there hates us.
On the concierge insisting a visitors' form be filled out:
Yeah, when I stayed here during Hurricane Sandy, I always saw Mami filling out these very colorful forms, but I just thought she liked to write or some shit.
On outings:
...when we went to dinner for Piglet's birthday, it was me, Sailor, Pirate, and other retards...
On seeing a current photo of Miley Cyrus::
Oh, it turns out that Miley Cyrus is only 20 - next year she will most likely stop singing. You know, she has changed a lot since Hannah Montana. Back then she was just a sweet, young girl; and I would've fucked the shit out of her.
Uh...how old was she back then?
14.
On life:
I had a seven-figure accident. Now I am the terminator.On drinking:
That guy looks like a regular; he said two of these drinks give him a headache in the morning. Let's come back here at 1:30 and order four more.On the past:
I used to go to New York, back when I drove a truck. I once bought 800 dollars' of heroin in Alphabet City. And now I got Hep C.
On shopping for cigarettes at Walmart:
And how many cartons would you like, sir?
All of them.
Key accomplishments:
- Seeing a white person
- Stealing a bible
- Shoveling sliders
- Spotting a SWAG shirt worn by a swag man
- Being questioned by cops
- Getting raped by dogs
- Exceeding a bar's 6-drink maximum before 12:30pm. On a Sunday
- Climbing trees
- Racking up a $420 tab in 2 hours
- Eating live animals
- Being recognized by half of Norfolk
- Hanging out in a cemetery
- Walking a Taylor into the ocean
- Being asked where we bartend
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