(The following takes place over instant messaging software at 6:45am on the last Friday of 2011.)
Non-HFA: hiiiiiii!!!
Non-HFA: happy friday!!!
Non-HFA: so excited
Non-HFA: about to eat a potato cookie!
HFA: hiya, morning, TGIF
Non-HFA: you never texted me last night d1ck
HFA: Dearest non-HFA, while I am most assuredly here for the sole purpose of entertaining you and boosting your self-esteem, last night I might have decided that you are an emotional terrorist.
Non-HFA: hahhahhaaahaa
Non-HFA: d1ck
HFA: Let me elaborate further on this point. When a fine individual like myself leaves work three hours before you, consumes a fair amount of alcohol at an upscale drinking establishment, then informs you that despite you making plans to hang out on that night - the plans that you have most obviously totally forgotten about, he will not be able to honor them since he has only had a few winks of sleep that night, your response should not be "cant you wiat 30 mins? hug, smoke." Furthermore, when a fine individual like myself waits for half an hour, shoving Red Bulls down his throat simply to stay awake, meets you, provides a hug, a cigarette and walks with you to the subway station, with the sole intention of going home, your offer should not be "I know you are going to whiskey bar, so just take the subway with me." Further to that, when a fine individual like myself, half-frozen to death, in a jacket that is clearly not meant to be worn when it is below 32 degrees outside and the winds move trashcans, texts you "I was cold before, but seeing you always warms my heart" your reply should not be "so cold cnt find this palce" That behavior, my dearest, is what I call emotional terrorism.
Non-HFA: hiiiiiii!!!
Non-HFA: happy friday!!!
Non-HFA: so excited
Non-HFA: about to eat a potato cookie!
HFA: hiya, morning, TGIF
Non-HFA: you never texted me last night d1ck
HFA: Dearest non-HFA, while I am most assuredly here for the sole purpose of entertaining you and boosting your self-esteem, last night I might have decided that you are an emotional terrorist.
Non-HFA: hahhahhaaahaa
Non-HFA: d1ck
HFA: Let me elaborate further on this point. When a fine individual like myself leaves work three hours before you, consumes a fair amount of alcohol at an upscale drinking establishment, then informs you that despite you making plans to hang out on that night - the plans that you have most obviously totally forgotten about, he will not be able to honor them since he has only had a few winks of sleep that night, your response should not be "cant you wiat 30 mins? hug, smoke." Furthermore, when a fine individual like myself waits for half an hour, shoving Red Bulls down his throat simply to stay awake, meets you, provides a hug, a cigarette and walks with you to the subway station, with the sole intention of going home, your offer should not be "I know you are going to whiskey bar, so just take the subway with me." Further to that, when a fine individual like myself, half-frozen to death, in a jacket that is clearly not meant to be worn when it is below 32 degrees outside and the winds move trashcans, texts you "I was cold before, but seeing you always warms my heart" your reply should not be "so cold cnt find this palce" That behavior, my dearest, is what I call emotional terrorism.
No comments:
Post a Comment