i arrive at fu at 4:35 and sip a drink with depressed italian. at 4:50 i get a text from vik informing of a problem with our system, so i pound my shit and return back to work, solve the problem and return to fu at 5:30. polish appears and disappears, then fisherman does the same, then alpha, then derek the page consultant, then bankmaster's manager.
finally i get tired of this magic appear/disappear act and it no longer entertains me to make fun of the four-year-old, so i triple-check my phone to make sure its thursday (since mary always works on thursdays, and nuclear scientist is always off) and teleport myself to rebel. i enter and hang suspended between 2nd and 3rd step for a good 15 seconds trying to realize why nuclear scientist is behind the bar. finally i say "fuck it" and position myself by the bar. i get a heartfelt and dramatic hug, and our conversations starts on this note:
HFA: Can I get a..
NS: (slams two shot glasses on the bar, slams a bottle of jameson)
HFA: Can I get a..
NS: (pounds a shot)
HFA: Can I fucking get..
NS: Things are very very very very very bad. Anya didn't come home last night.
At this point i start to get excited imagining a giant grizzly bear in pink sweatpants mauling anya and spreading pieces of her in random places between canada and mexico. Then i recall that i saw her at fu about 15 minutes prior, so i quickly dismiss that idea.
Nuclear scientists starts her 20 minute long diatribe, but i zone out after 4 shots (or about 10 minutes in human time). she proceeds to depress the shit out of me with the following things:
- her bf going on a double date with some girl and not telling her
- her bf being randomly shitfaced at 6:30 in the morning
- her bf having a mysterious aunt that calls him all the time but he never picks up in front of NS
- her bf staying over at his aunt's place every other night
- her bf randomly not calling her
- her bf randomly not picking up his phone
- NS wanting to kill her bf, his aunt, the double date girl, the neighborhood cat, and herself
finally papa shows up with some random individual from a small village in ukraine, who immediately starts drooling over NS. for some reason i ask him how he met papa about 4 times in the 20 minutes they spend at rebel, then they leave, i finish the bottle of jameson, and go home
at home i have a dream of Clifford calling me up on my cell and requesting i come by his desk in the octagon. when i do, he tells me that he discovered a new planet and he named it Atlantis
finally i get tired of this magic appear/disappear act and it no longer entertains me to make fun of the four-year-old, so i triple-check my phone to make sure its thursday (since mary always works on thursdays, and nuclear scientist is always off) and teleport myself to rebel. i enter and hang suspended between 2nd and 3rd step for a good 15 seconds trying to realize why nuclear scientist is behind the bar. finally i say "fuck it" and position myself by the bar. i get a heartfelt and dramatic hug, and our conversations starts on this note:
HFA: Can I get a..
NS: (slams two shot glasses on the bar, slams a bottle of jameson)
HFA: Can I get a..
NS: (pounds a shot)
HFA: Can I fucking get..
NS: Things are very very very very very bad. Anya didn't come home last night.
At this point i start to get excited imagining a giant grizzly bear in pink sweatpants mauling anya and spreading pieces of her in random places between canada and mexico. Then i recall that i saw her at fu about 15 minutes prior, so i quickly dismiss that idea.
Nuclear scientists starts her 20 minute long diatribe, but i zone out after 4 shots (or about 10 minutes in human time). she proceeds to depress the shit out of me with the following things:
- her bf going on a double date with some girl and not telling her
- her bf being randomly shitfaced at 6:30 in the morning
- her bf having a mysterious aunt that calls him all the time but he never picks up in front of NS
- her bf staying over at his aunt's place every other night
- her bf randomly not calling her
- her bf randomly not picking up his phone
- NS wanting to kill her bf, his aunt, the double date girl, the neighborhood cat, and herself
finally papa shows up with some random individual from a small village in ukraine, who immediately starts drooling over NS. for some reason i ask him how he met papa about 4 times in the 20 minutes they spend at rebel, then they leave, i finish the bottle of jameson, and go home
at home i have a dream of Clifford calling me up on my cell and requesting i come by his desk in the octagon. when i do, he tells me that he discovered a new planet and he named it Atlantis
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