Dissecting Kidds with Pterodactyl (one year ago today)

I was thinking about some of my behavior last night and it actually makes logical sense. Since you know I love reading people and am generally pretty good at it, I was obviously reading Jessica to form my mental image. Her behavior can make her difficult to read though, and of course an interesting part of these analyses are how the woman interacts with and feels about you. But she lets other men (me) pour stuff on her head and grabs their arms and touches them an awful lot, which is contusing and makes it difficult to draw a conclusion. Trying to kiss her and seeing what happens produces a solid answer. Getting the answer was more satisfying than getting a kiss, since I was completely disinterested in a kiss. And then that part of my analyses is greatly advanced.

So then what conclusions have you drawn?
I'm as always extremely curious.

Well the question I was trying to answer was: how much does she value Andrei? The answer: quite a lot. As a person overall she's a lost soul. I feel like she puts on a face to the world. What she's hiding though, I don't know. She is definitely not stupid. She does seem to accept being roadkill though. I think she derives a sense of joy from being commanded around, but will stick to certain principles at the extremes (i.e. the kiss). Overall a good person and a good soul, but completely directionless. Life is like her favorite movie to watch. She watches it but never directs it.

Also, Sophia's reaction to the kiss attempt was pretty hilarious considering she had no context to it at all. "YOU TRY TO TAKE ANDREI'S GIRL? WHAT THE FUCK?"
I just realized I forgot to show you Christine's email lol
I'm also sorry. What I did was obviously hugely disrespectful. I think you understand my motivation, but it was still a pretty extreme method. I don't think my drunk mind has any boundaries.

Dude, did you change my name in your phone or something? Science has no boundaries.
Your deductions on the subject of Kidd are hugely accurate. Entirely so in fact. And yes, I do still want to see that email.

You did seem pretty glib about it. I think some part of me finally understands "I just wanted to see what would happen."
Oh also I keep forgetting to ask - why the fuck was my kebab in a hot dog roll?

I got the same shit and I was not amused. Caesar must have run out of pita - a first.

I was so confused. I snuck into an empty train car and had an entire 5 seat handicapped section to myself. I laid out my food like a 5 course meal and as I unwrapped the glorious dinner, I was met with a goddamn fucking hot dog roll.
Also - was the Kidd abused when she was younger? 

The empty car all to yourself sounds awesome. Kidd's parents didn't know how to take care of themselves much less kids, her biological father kidnapped her after the divorce when she was three, then her mother got her back and moved to jersey for 2 years (child abuse), so her mother was extremely controlling and for a while she went to live with her father who had a wife that would beat her with wire hangers and drag her around by the hair, and when her bio mother had another child from a different man, the mother began entirely neglecting Jessica, up to the fact that she stopped paying for her undergrad program. Of and her mother's husband was an abusive alcoholic who would beat everyone. And she was raped by. 20 year old when she was 13 in the woods and her mom and stepfather refused to believe her. And I think all the shit together led to a chain of self destructive behavior after which she got herself a psychiatrist and that seems to be helping a bit. To more concisely answer your question: yes. What do you deduce from all this, doctor?

Damn. The reason I asked this is because the most fascinating aspect of the Kidd is how her facade is reversed. Instead of being outwardly strong, she's outwardly weak to hide a stronger version of herself that exists in there somewhere. So the reason I asked is that I realized an abusive past could actually have trained her to be ashamed of, or afraid to show, strength. She thinks if she displays her own will or acts on her own, she will be punished for it. That's why the only way to get a 'real' reaction from her is to do something that puts her in a corner, when the facade becomes impractical. Typically people project a strong image to hide weakness, but she actually does the opposite. She's ashamed of strength.

It's interesting that you mention that - I hadn't processed it to the extend you have but I do know that she acts childish in uncomfortable situations, has no direction until forced, and essentially acts like an opossum where she will take no action, lie low, and lock up in her dead state when waters get choppy. So I'm trying to recondition her in the functional sense. This involves giving her small and simple tasks or chores on a daily basis, balancing out those which are beneficial to her and the home or me more broadly, and making sure to offer reinforcers through appreciation and treats (e.g. thanks for cleaning up now I don't have to spend my evening doing it, let's go play laser tag or whatnot). Anyway I'm hoping the fact that doing shit and talking straight moves her along and is reinforced will eventually help her to find a new architecture along which to operate.

Definitely a complex character. However, treating her like a dog isn't necessarily gonna help. Jumping from one learned set of behaviors to another is just horizontal movement.

I see what you mean, but I feel like I need to make her operational before I can help her to grow

True. Instead of running into a wall, make her run in circles. Then down tunnels. Then ultimately exit the cave.